Suspending Reality

A visit to a new place boosts right-brained activity, whether it’s intuition, a motivation to create or enjoy art, or just a good feeling of love. You don’t have to go far, just try a different hike, a new friend’s environment, or a local art exhibit.

I spent the past week in Ireland. My father’s ancestors came from there sometime before 1731, but I felt an incredible affinity for the people and the land. In County Clare, I visited the 710 foot, five-mile-long Cliffs of Dover on a clear day with 50 mph winds. Goosebumps and thrills ran through my body. In Ennis, I ate a plate of fresh seafood at the Poet’s Corner bar in the Old Ground Hotel.

Now let me back up a minute. Months ago, the owner of the salon where I frequent, complimented my hair. “It’s curly and looks better with your small face,” she said. I knew my head was small, but hadn’t realized I should now worry about my small face.

As I sat in the Poet’s Corner bar in Ireland, along with several men my age (it seems men sit at the bar and women sit at tables, but not me), I realized the four barmaids all had small faces and small heads, with green eyes and coloring the same as mine. Family!

In County Cork at Blarney Castle, I asked one of the workers what was his favorite thing. He told me to skip the castle and see the gardens. He said I should see Rock Close, which he pronounced Rock Claws. It sounded scary but it wasn’t. I danced in ancient stone circles and felt at one with huge Druid rocks. For the first time in my life, I wanted to camp. The spirit moved me, as we used to say in the 60s.

Last week in Ireland I felt lucky enough to suspend reality. You can too, in your own town, if you try. 

Are Imaginary Friends Ghosts?

As a child, when I returned from the bathroom one last time before bed, I often felt someone in my bedroom. I’d look under the bed, then sneak towards my walk-in closet to take a peek. I saw nothing, but I still felt a presence.

As an adult, when I work on murder cases, I see dead people and hear them talk to me, and it also happens during some psychic readings. My latest work as a ghost tour guide got me to thinking, were those ghosts I sensed as a child?

I know that people swear that when a certain type of butterfly, or a bluebird, crosses their path, it’s their dead mother saying hello. A few months ago, I actually smelled my dead mom’s Wind Song perfume in my front closet, which has never housed any of her belongings. Just in case it was her, I said hello. Then, I heard her voice speak to me, and it wasn’t something she had ever told me before. I believe it was her spirit guiding me.

Many children have imaginary friends. The children I’ve met who do have them, are unusual, artistic and quite sensitive. According to an article in Atlantic magazine, by age 7, 65% of children will have had an imaginary friend. The article says that children with imaginary friends grow up to be more creative than those who don’t.

I never had an imaginary friend. When I talked to my blue stuffed poodle, I had no two-way conversation going on. But the fear I had in my bedroom lasted through my teens. When I lead local ghost tours, about one in four make me feel spooked.

I got nothing for you here, no definitive word. Just ideas, so let me know your own. Right now, I’ll relate to that movie, Clueless. 

The Yoke of Keeping Everything the Same

My mother did the wash every Monday of her life. When she got really old, I volunteered to do it for her. With much coaxing, she agreed, until I told her I couldn’t do it on a Monday. That ended that.

We all like to do some of the same things, over and over. The problems arise when those habits become a yoke around our neck, like when we want to keep too much stuff and realize we are at the beginning stages of hoarding. We can’t let go because our things all have an intuitive connection to people and experiences.

To let go of what I call “the same the same” means letting go of fear. I see it at the music store where I’ve rented space for 34 years. It’s going out of business, and the workers and other teachers now walk around like zombies. My response was to rent a new spot. As I agonize over curtains, chairs, tables, supplies, and a move-in date, I try to roll with the change. 

This is a first for me and I like firsts. It’s my own brick and mortar business, Jan’s Music and Education Center in Lebanon PA, where I can teach voice and piano, and do psychic readings and tarot parties without censure. Where I don’t have to worry about the owner’s father coming into my room and spreading cough-making chemicals on the rug. A place I will always feel safe.

Letting go is sad and spooky, whether it’s a friendship, a death, or a job. My plan is to wear my Elvis costume on October 31, the last day at the music store. When I sing “Ain’t Nothin’ but a Hound Dog” and “Love Me Tender,” or ask strangers for a peanut butter and banana sandwich, I’ll ride along on a wave of optimism. I figure it’s the only way to go.

Random Connections with Strangers

Now that I’m in the last third of my life, I push myself to use public transportation. After an empty bus to NYC last Thursday, I met a philosophical taxi driver. His optimism as he swerved through traffic buoyed me.

During my twenty-block walk to my next bus on Friday morning, I had quick eye connect with the actress Scarlett Johansson. As I lugged my wheeled suitcase up a hill, I eavesdropped on a father with his beautiful young son. On the bus to Montauk, NY, I watched a woman my age as she flipped her grey, long hair and connected with the bus driver. Their words sounded trivial but I could hear warmth behind them.

The way back home proved even more fruitful. From sunny, serene Montauk, which I call a cross between Hawaii and Vermont, a dog and a baby boarded the bus. I had just spent the weekend with my fabulous, seven-week-old grandson, who charmed me deeply but also cried a lot. On the bus, this baby cried a lot. The air conditioning didn’t work, and none of us were happy. All of us, including the dog, panted with open mouths.

In NYC, I walked a new street to Port Authority for my final bus, but somehow got the time balled up and planted myself on the floor for an hour wait. A chatty young woman opened her heart to me with tales of all she had seen in three days in that glorious city. Then, on the bus, a blue eyed, blond woman sat next to me. That two-hour trip seemed like ten minutes, as we quizzed each other about our lives. I loved the story of her adoption of twin boys from Haiti, fifteen years prior, and I giggled at her reaction when she texted her daughter with a psychic prediction I had made and it turned out to be true.

It’s odd and delightful to connect with strangers. It’s a slice of love, and a bit like being a part of a couple, but only for a moment or an hour. I do know that love comes in all forms, so catch it where you can.

Intuitive Children and What to Do

The Rhine Research Center, which studies parapsychology and was started at Duke University in the 1930s, states that psychic abilities in children run in families, and is more prevalent in extroverted children. Movies have their own take, with psychic children portrayed as otherworldly and odd. In real life, children are often not encouraged to show their true nature. Instead, their menu says to follow along and excel in expected ways. Intuitive children need more.  

People always ask me, what were you like as a child? Those closest to me would say, shy. I only talked when an adult asked me a direct question. Grownups seemed tall and foreboding, with agendas I couldn’t understand. That slowly changed as I became a performer and found my voice, but I do consider myself an introvert.

As a music teacher, I’ve found that the children who truly connect to music, not just the ones who play all the correct notes, are the ones who have intuitive traits.

So what do you do if you have an intuitive child? First, remember that children have fewer barriers, so they can be more intuitive than most adults. Second, let your child roam. That means with their mind, their imagination, and even their bodies. Expose them to new experiences and believe in their fantasies and words. Third, let them be who they are and don’t put them in a thought box. Uniqueness is a large part of paranormal ability.

Intuition and the Role of a Grandma

My daughter had a baby boy a few weeks ago. She pulled through like a trooper, doing what all mothers have to do. She endured brutal pain, super stamina, and boisterous joy. Since then, she and I talk about how a baby and a mother instinctively know what to do, and how marvelous that is. Intuition is present in its best form.

One big problem that I can’t figure out, is what am I supposed to do? I know my role is easy. I sleep through the night, I don’t have to pay for him, and the guilt I had with my two children is no longer present. I try to be supportive and not smothering. I want to be helpful and available, but I live 150 miles away. It’s silly to worry, since I received the greatest gift. My daughter, her husband, and her son are happy and healthy.

Like everything in life, my role will evolve and expand. Love is the start. Intuition comes next. Trust and care follow.

Now ask me how many moons I’ve jumped over in the last sixteen days? The answer? Well, I can’t count that high.

Astrological Signs: My Favorite Things

Aries- Sensitive. Unconditional love when they trust you. Ram against things until they succeed.

Taurus- Sweet. Bold when sure of themselves. Want their opinions heard by those who love them.

Gemini- They know they have two selves. When they hone in on a person, they connect fully.

Cancer- Watery. Flirty. Artistic. Takes ten years to make a decision.

Leo- A great go-to when you don’t want to be in charge. They sleep and then work hard.

Virgo- Easy going but can’t be pushed. Not concerned about other people’s perceptions. They have their own.

Libra- Helpful when looking at both sides of any issue. Not dependent on others.

Scorpio- A mystery that won’t be solved. Darkness is good.

Sagittarius­- Doesn’t like to be crowded. Easily wounded but you’d never know unless you’re close to them.

Capricorn- Don’t worry about this one borrowing money, they have their own. Fair. Solid. Aquarius-Trusts only a few. Efficient. Self-contained. Fun when you get to know them.

Pisces- Intuitive. Pliable with a mind of their own. Artsy.

I Don't Believe in That Stuff

Way too often, people tell me they don’t believe in what I do. I’m never sure what part they mean. Is it they don’t believe I help solve murder cases, and if so, who’s lying about that, me or the police? Or do they mean they don’t believe in intuition? Or they don’t believe in anything paranormal?

When my piano students get to high school, they usually ask questions about me and what I do besides teach. This week when I told one young woman about my psychic work, she said she doesn’t believe. Puzzled, I later asked a devout Roman Catholic mother if people tell her they don’t believe in her religion. Not often, she said, but more so in the past. She agreed with me that with varied belief systems, respect is the key.

I never know if my psychic ability is classified as a belief. It’s just with me and has always been a part of me. My acceptance of this uncanny ability is complete.

We can’t and shouldn’t undo ways in which we help each other. Life is connection, sometimes unpleasant, but most of the time, lovely. Let’s just accept each other and be kind.

When the Dead Are With You

Many people tell me they believe their dead loved ones are still with them. They draw comfort from their presence, and almost see their loved ones right there beside them.

Spirits, or ghosts, have been around for a very long time. In movies and stories, they’ve been perceived as something to be feared. I don’t believe that’s a good representation. I like the line from the song, Ghostbusters. I ain’t afraid of no ghost.

At the four piano and voice recitals I hosted this month, my grandfather, Homer, was in attendance at two of them. He’s been dead for forty years, so I’m not sure why he showed up. It could be that he thought I needed his support.

Spirits come to me as I work on murder cases, when their movements provide me with information. In my life outside of that work, I see ghosts now and then. When I do, they’re nebulous and wavy, and sometimes morph in and out of looking like a real, live person. More often than not, it isn’t someone I know. 

If you have an interest in feeling or seeing spirits, or if you want to hear from your dead loved ones, you have to open that door. When you do hear your loved one’s voice, it might feel like a memory, but it’s often accompanied by a message from the person who has passed. Maybe you’ll feel strange or eerie, but you can do this. You don’t need me to connect with your loved ones who have died. With energy and concentration, you can listen and hear, and maybe even see for yourself.

Music's Path to Emotions

We all time travel through the use of music. When I hear the Temptations, I’m in high school. Elvis evokes my Uncle Fred, who slicked his hair back just like him. Any 80s music makes me think of my daughter, and the 90s, my son. I have songs that bring memories of old friends and past boyfriends. When my voice students sing Oh What a Beautiful Morning, I’m riding the horse I used to own.

Opera transports me to my vocal concerts at Penn State. With jazz, I’m singing Summertime in the dark bar where I played during my brief foray as a single act. Joan Jett? I’m practicing with my all-girl band, Susie Creamcheese, that never got off the ground.

You listen to music and you’re lost in time and space. A forgotten song evokes tears, joy, or the memory of a long dead relative.

Use music to lighten your load, to laugh and love. Use it to bring peace to your wounded soul. Make it yourself, or listen to records. Music never disappoints. It always evokes a mood and a path. Treat yourself. It’s free. 

Go for the Goosebumps

When I do readings for clients, I know I’m on the right track when I get the goose bump skin that comes from emotional stimulus. When I teach voice lessons, I stress accurate pitch, and then I discuss how important it is to make the audience feel something. I tell them, give yourself goose bumps and the audience will get them too.

Some people are more prone to emotional chills than others. There is some scientific evidence that your personality can affect how often you get the chills. A 2007 paper published in the journal Motivation and Emotion found openness to experience, which is someone who is game to try new foods, adventures and different ideas, was a marker of getting the chills more frequently.

According to Matthew Sachs, a researcher at the University of Southern California who conducted a 2017 study, people who get the chills seem to have an enhanced ability to experience intense emotions. Sachs’ research, which was published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, indicated that those who experience a strong emotional response to music and then get chills may do so because their brains are wired differently.

Those who are very rigid and structured, as well as less curious and imaginative, and anyone blocked by trauma, depression, anxiety and mental struggles, likely won’t experience this dopamine rush and the subsequent chills as frequently.

I do believe it’s a good idea that when you get the chills, you pay attention. Something real is happening.