Saturday, February 17, 2024

Mom's Spirit

Every weekend I want to tell my mom something, then I remember she’s dead, and I get frustrated at how unfair that seems. Next, I laugh at how ludicrous I’m being, or think through what I would say to her if I could call her. We definitely wouldn’t talk about my psychic abilities, since my mom either ignored my gift or stared at me like I had three heads. She never asked a question or commented on things I told her, or made any reference to it. Was it the autism spectrum label I attribute to her? Her lack of interest confounds me. 

Mom was born one hundred years ago. I loved her dearly, but I’m not sure she knew who I was. She made me play outside when I wanted to read all day. As an adult, she told me over and over to get a real job. She did encourage me when it came to education and taught me to succeed where others might fail, and she loved my children dearly. She hid her fears, and it was only when my dad died that I saw how many things she was afraid to do on her own.

I will always talk to spirits, to friends and family who have died. I will stomp around, pissed off that they aren’t still here. Talking to spirits isn’t as fun as when they had bodies, but dead people do come to me in dreams, and that feels wonderful. I guess it’s the most I can hope for.

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

So You Got Fired?

I’ve been fired twice. The first time I was only twenty-five and it hit me hard. I knew I couldn’t work with United as a flight attendant for too long, since it wasn’t intellectually stimulating, only loads of fun. When I got fired, I didn’t have a clue it would happen. Back then, I was a party girl, so premonitions weren’t at the forefront of my thoughts. The firing wasn’t about my work ethic, but about two people who didn’t want me around. My supervisor pushed me to have an affair and when I declined, he became angry. On a month of layovers, a female stew preached about religion and didn’t like my belief system.

A year after my sudden firing, with a high-powered lawyer at my side, I received a settlement and was offered my job back. I said no. The thought of returning gave me more nightmares than the firing, and I still have them fifty years later. The upshot is that I started an informative job at a music store and played piano and sang in restaurants and clubs in LA. 

When I was fifty, I started work at Harrisburg Academy as the school piano player and teacher of music. Right away, I knew I’d be fired. By then my intuition was strong and I didn’t avoid psychic thoughts that weren’t pleasant. Five years after I started, the headmaster found out that I worked pro bono on murder cases and canned me. I drove to the next town, rented a studio from a music store, and taught private students there. One of my students was a board member’s daughter. Her mother kept at me, why did you leave? I suggested she look at the books, and told her I thought he feared my abilities. He was fired two months later.

The hardest part about being fired was telling people, since they often assumed I had done something wrong. My good name is important, and I felt wounded. It still makes me want to cry. Only time and new jobs helped me move on.

When you know something is about to tank but you want it anyway, just do it. Preparation can help a little, but to believe in destiny can help more. Those slammed doors opened better avenues for me. It can happen for you too.


Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Practicing Forgiveness

An old friend from high school just wrote a book and I had a starring role. I felt excited to revisit the past, but it was so filled with lies that I had to throw it in the trash and put old spaghetti sauce on top of it. The biggest surprise was an interview she did, where she said that I’m her nemesis. 

I thought that might have to do with jealousy, which I’m not prone to, so I looked it up. In mythology, Adrastea was the goddess of divine retribution. Another meaning for nemesis is an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best. Oh, my, I felt such sadness for her. 

Soon after the sadness, I thought about her lifelong addictions, which cloud her judgements. I did my best to remember the good times we had, outside of her troubled view. I tried to put away pity and push compassion to the front of my brain.

Forgiveness is something I now try to do daily. We all have deep pain inflicted by others. When we forgive, the amygdala in our brain reduces signals to the hypothalamus, which eases signals to the pituitary glands, which reduces excessive cortisol levels. That results in lower levels of anxiety and depression.

Practicing forgiveness leads to better problem solving and decision making, and I surely want that. The resulting kindness helps me grow in empathy. Like piano though, practice makes me a better player. It all takes time.


Saturday, November 18, 2023

Give Thanks on Any Day That Works

One of the definitions for psychic is, marked by extraordinary or mysterious sensitivity, perception, or understanding. This, and my ability to time travel, made me able to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas on any day before or after. It started when I was a flight attendant and had to fly. I felt so sad, but then relished the joy and comfort of the crew and passengers who celebrated on different days.

When my kids were young, they preferred Thanksgiving with their dads and cousins. Why would they pick me? I didn’t make any of the normal Thanksgiving dishes and didn’t invite people to my house. After divorce, holidays are difficult for everyone. I missed my kids, but sharing gladdens the heart. I give thanks on any day that both my kids share a meal with me.

As an adult, my daughter has taken over Thanksgiving in wonderful ways, with music and people, celebration and laughter. I will have a blast at her house again this year, surrounded by love.

I’ll do Christmas on December 23, same as always, with first dibs before exhaustion sets in. We’ll be eager, hungry, and excited. They’ll leave early so my four-year-old grandson can wake up in his own bed for the glory of Santa’s arrival.

What I call movie moments arrive unexpectedly all year. Let’s celebrate when the timing works. If you’re alone, and I have been many holidays, enjoy anything your heart desires. As my son’s father used to say, can’t have it all, where would you put it?

Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Why Can't I See Spirits?

On each October ghost tour I lead, a woman laments, why can’t I see spirits? I wish I could.

Like love, spirits can’t be touched or proven, but they’re heady and real. Love is a verb, so if you walk the path of spirits, you’ll feel, sense, or hear them. Try to make ghosts as real as possible. To connect with someone who has passed on, believe that you can do it. Remember, it’s not a two-way bit of communication. They can’t hear you. Somehow they sense you, but not with words that originate from you.

Spirits talk to us, so we need to be aware and listen, like we do for the sound of the birds that herald spring. Keep your antennae up. Their voice or presence can come through to you when you don’t expect it.

A smell can trigger that the door is open and you need to walk through. To look at your grandmother’s photograph can mean you hear her spirit advice, so analyze it and figure out if it’s an old message, or quite possibly, a new one. If you miss a passed-on friend and the nature walks that you took, then walk in the woods and listen. Pop open your senses and your friend’s voice might come, if not that day, then another one.

Oh life is hard, and so is the connection with someone whose body has gone. Don’t give up. Don’t spend so much time with regret and lament. Move forward with what you have.

Wednesday, September 20, 2023

UFO Sighting

The “voice” I hear in my head, God or Sky Daddy, told me to look up from the couch one evening last week. A sphere of extremely bright light zoomed past my window, so close I thought it was an old episode of Twilight Zone. I jumped up to look out the other window, but it had disappeared. A helicopter? No, it moved way too fast and looked too bright.

I think I’ve been visited by aliens several times when I was asleep. I think they took blood and examined me, but I have no proof, only my belief system. I haven’t told anyone, but as a psychologist friend says, you’re only as sick as your secrets.

That’s all I have. No depth of knowledge, only experience and belief. Let me know if you’ve had sightings or contact. We are not alone.


Wednesday, August 23, 2023

Creativity, Music, & Love

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on that I’m so intuitive. A watchful child, I escaped into my imagination, and throughout the day, listened to bouts of inner chatter with those who talked to me inside my head. At the time, I thought the voices came from above the clouds. I knew my brain didn’t originate them.

When I tell fortunes, my brain goes on active, nonstop, improvisational flights. I talk without hesitation in a magical, not logical way. It feels like a high level of spontaneous creativity and my reality is altered. It’s heady and interesting, but not always pleasant when I have to share uncomfortable truths.

Some people seek a reality with alcohol or other mind changing substances. Their truth is altered, but I know it’s their right and their choice. A friend says, your circus your monkey.

As I get older, it’s even more important that I push aside my inhibitions in order to be creative. On Saturday, I sang three songs with a country band at a private party. Before I joined them, my mouth felt dry and I thought I wouldn’t find my pitch. As I stood in the middle, the band leader strummed a C chord. I suddenly felt comfortable and part of the magic. Ecstasy filled me as I sang, listened, and moved my body to the rhythm.

When the party wound down, the band members ate burgers and chilled. The guitarist leaned down to me with a soft kiss on my cheek, and in a low voice said, thanks for joining us on the battlefield.

Five of us, who will never join together again, had a spiritual connection of music and love. That’s intuition. My own battlefield of troubles, euphoria, and the love of making music.