Can't See the Back of My Head

Remember the first time you heard your own voice in a recording? How we’re perceived is different from how we see ourselves. It’s important to believe in yourself and try to lessen any negativity.

I test on the edge of the autism scale. I’m clumsy and have to remind myself to have eye contact. An introvert, I do stimming with my arms and hands. I’ve worked hard, like others use a mirror to see the back of their head, to circumvent any issues that I can. On the plus side, my brain is quick and concise and I have a few wild skills. One problem I have is that people argue and say I’m an extrovert. I learned in junior high that I got more of what I want if I spoke up. 

I’m in the last third of my life, when I think people revert to who they were originally, and the masks they have worn to get by fall away. I was a sensitive child, and I still feel awful when those who are damaged express jealousy or envy. I haven’t outgrown my worry about everyone’s near misses and full stops, or about their misguided anger, but now I’m better able to feel pity instead of frustration. I say, ever onward for those who live with their own demons that no one else can understand. Let’s all have hope, forgiveness, and thanksgiving.