What is Alive?

Yesterday when I taught piano and voice lessons I wore a pink coral necklace my mom left me.  A nine year old girl loved it.  I explained that I felt badly because coral is so slow to replenish, and that my mom had bought it in the 1960's when many people had the mistaken belief that we could reap and not sew. 

The little girl played Yankee Doodle and then looked at me and said, "It's alive right?"

"Yes, it's like a tree," I told her.  "It's alive and takes a long time to grow and it's in the ocean.  Not a fish with a shell though, no eyeballs."
We had a laugh and I worried about the info I had given her.  I wanted to run to the library and research coral, but that's a weekend endeavor.  What sticks with me is her question, "It's alive, right?"

When I wear the necklace my deceased mom is alive, right there around my neck.  I hear her unusual low voice that sounded so much like my grandmother Helen's.  I hear her tell me how nice it looks with my pink sweater (that sweater is orange, but who knows since she and I both have color challenge issues?).

I don't want to dwell on dead people, but so many tarot reading clients want to talk about people who have died, passed on, passed through.  Since I turned 62 and get closer to my demise, I live in that ponder zone more often. 

This is what I see with my real eye instead of my mind's eye.  Bluebells burst on the side of my house.  That is life.  My grown children's young skin.  That is life.  My ability to hear my friend's voice on the phone.  That is life, which has to equal optimism. 

Janus and Janice

My mom named me Janice Helen McGee.  I never liked my first name.  My middle name belonged to my favorite grandmother, so that was cool.  My last name changed with a radio DJ gig and husbands.  Now I use my maiden name McGee, but it has a bumpy sound. 

In the 90's I told my mom I was going to change my first name.  She had a fit and made me promise not to do it until she was dead.  When she did die, I pondered over the name I wanted.  The hassle made me lose interest, but I still disliked Jan.  Then during a piano lesson, a 10 year old boy changed my perspective. 

"You're real name is Janice?  You are lucky!" he said with a big smile.  "Janus is the ancient god of doorways and has one head and two faces that look in opposite directions.  One can see the past and one can see the future.  They both see the present."

Instantly I loved my name.  My intuitive gifts have dogged me all my life, yet now I know my name is perfect.  My psychic abilities include time travel to the past and the future.  My intellect sees the present.

But stupid me for not understanding, and thanks Mom! You had the right idea when you named me Janice/Janus.