Funeral

I went to a funeral on Wednesday. I didn’t want to go. Just a whole bunch of sadness to add onto what I hold today. Although after I attended, I knew for sure that she is gone. No more calls or stopping by her house or a reconciliation. She had anxiety that she was open about, and during Covid she had a bad time and said she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. She was disturbed that I had opposite political views. I did talk to her in May at a high school reunion, and it was a long and lovely conversation, but that’s it until I heard the news that she died.
 
Our mothers decided that our older sisters should walk to first grade together, and that Denise and I, age two, should become pals. She did so much for me. When I had a crush on her paper boy in first grade, she volunteered to knock him down and hold onto him so I could kiss him. She made up all kinds of odd, fun games. She had a sundial that I loved, and a beautiful sister, and a huge room with a porch. She had the bluest eyes, and when my daughter was young, she shopped the secondhand stores for me to give Layla nice things for Christmas and her birthday.
 
I want more time, but I can’t get that. One of my friends said to me, did she talk to you? At first I didn’t understand because this friend knew we talked in May. When she waved up to the sky, I got it. Yes, Denise did talk to me a few days before that, from the otherworld. She talked about food, just like she used to enjoy telling me about nutrition and what she thought was my bad habit of eating the same thing over and over. When I asked her, what's for lunch? She'd too often say, frozen pizza yum. 
 
When we hear people talk to us, who have passed on, it’s not often new things. It’s often the same old stories. My father was a big grouch, but he gave me some great advice, and in my dreams, he still does, in repetition.
 
I just returned from a visit to Vermont to see my sister. I asked her what dead person she misses the most, and if she could talk to them, what would they discuss. I had a list ready from my end, and since she knew Denise, she let me talk about her as much as I needed.