Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Can't See the Back of My Head

Remember the first time you heard your own voice in a recording? How we’re perceived is different from how we see ourselves. It’s important to believe in yourself and try to lessen any negativity.

I test on the edge of the autism scale. I’m clumsy and have to remind myself to have eye contact. An introvert, I do stimming with my arms and hands. I’ve worked hard, like others use a mirror to see the back of their head, to circumvent any issues that I can. On the plus side, my brain is quick and concise and I have a few wild skills. One problem I have is that people argue and say I’m an extrovert. I learned in junior high that I got more of what I want if I spoke up. 

I’m in the last third of my life, when I think people revert to who they were originally, and the masks they have worn to get by fall away. I was a sensitive child, and I still feel awful when those who are damaged express jealousy or envy. I haven’t outgrown my worry about everyone’s near misses and full stops, or about their misguided anger, but now I’m better able to feel pity instead of frustration. I say, ever onward for those who live with their own demons that no one else can understand. Let’s all have hope, forgiveness, and thanksgiving.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Ghosts Are Not Harmful

Movies and books portray the spirit world, or ghosts as I’ll call them, in a negative way. I know that conflict sells, but it leads to misunderstanding. My favorite cartoon as a kid was Casper the Friendly Ghost, maybe because I’ve always seen ghosts. The friendly ones hang around places where they were most happy, and might be seen or sensed in an old building. If you want to connect with the spirit of a loved one who is gone, be open to it with all your senses. Believe and ye shall find.

Some spirits are full of mischief. Those are the ones who slam doors or knock things over. That can seem scary, but it’s just the unknown, so laugh or be fascinated or ignore it. Disgruntled ghosts make their presence known. It can be a flash seen out of the corner of an eye, or maybe a wavy presence. Some ghosts hang in packs of two or three, and they are the ones you might hear going WHOO. But is it really a sound you hear, or do you smell something odd, or do you feel a change in temperature? Don’t fear. Ghosts feed on fear.

This is just my belief system, so choose to ignore or adopt it. The winds of autumn bring questions about the spirit world. So much of it remains a mystery to me too.

Wednesday, September 21, 2022

Talking with the Dead

Thirty-five years ago, a psychic told me two shocking things. That I would have a big blond son (I did) and that dead people talked to me. That was too bizarre to contemplate, but then a few years later I started my work on murder cases and it happened. Here is a little Jan tutorial on talking and listening to dead people.

It’s not like a streaming service. You can’t summon people you love who have passed. It’s best to wait, and be aware. That means keep an open heart and mind all day, listen, and watch. You might hear your departed loved one talking and think it’s a memory, but if it hadn’t been said in the past, then it’s a voice from the present. Take notes of what was said. My mom talked to me in my closet during Covid isolation, and I didn’t do this, and then I forgot the message. If you smell them, recognize that they are in your presence. If you see them fleetingly, accept it as real.

Vocal contact with the dead is more like a letter than a conversation, because one person talks at a time. There can be a long wait in between, since it’s not a cause and effect. While I wait, I say to myself, the powers that be are helping someone else or somehow busy.

It’s tricky. I’m not sure seeing a cardinal means your mom is there, but it’s possible. Synchronicity and signs abound. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Connect with the Sweetness of Others

I love local fairs, with funky smells, flashing lights, and odd performers. As I waited on shaky metal seats for an equine show last month, I yearned for a low-paying job I once had as a reporter. This time, I didn’t use my words, but I used my psychic ability to delve into the life of this little family who traveled with props, horses, and wow outfits. 

I actually become each person in the show, like when I worked on murder cases and had to almost become the murderer and the victim. This fair experience didn’t make me feel sick though. The equine family made me happy.
The dad played ringleader. Short, with a prominent belly and pants that needed a wash, he had a warm and corny manner that roped me in. My favorite was his sweet ten-year-old blond daughter who rode in on a beautiful pinto and held an American flag. As we stood at attention to a tinny version of the Star-Spangled Banner, my heart soared with love for the good old USA. Later, the girl’s dad mentioned how pretty she was, and I saw her sweet, shy smile. She clearly loved her part to play.
Mom was lithe, thin and strong, the real ringleader in the family, the nurturer, the glue. Junior, a perfect miniature of dad, was about eight. An infectious imp, he seemed to be a true man as he hung upside down on the side of a cantering Percheron. A little man, unlike the big man, with no money worries and little fear.
The hot night had a cool breeze. Old guys in t-shirts sang country songs in the bandshell behind us. Big eyed children stared. The audience acted as one as we oohed and admired. It felt like a big circle of love.
Little things become big memories. We don’t have to talk to connect with the sweetness of others. We only need to experience.

Thursday, July 21, 2022

Fools Rush In

During my 20s adventures, I pretty much lived by the words of the song, Fools Rush In. I threw caution to the wind in Rome, Florence, London, and cities all over the US. I took risks in cars and bars. I sang and danced, dated strangers, and floated from one enriching or entertaining job to another. My luck held. Maybe even then, I used my intuition.

Intuition can be confusing though. A little voice tells us something is going to happen, and we ignore it. One person acts cold and we think they don’t like us, but then it turns out they were just lost in thought, attending to the problems of their day.

Most of the time, we know so much, like who can be trusted and who can’t, but we sometimes act like a fool and rush in. But wait, let’s examine the fool card in the tarot deck. In the 1950s, most of the kids in my neighborhood couldn’t afford a deck of cards. My siblings and I had multiple decks, since our parents played cards with friends and hated bent edges. As kids, if we had a noticeably bent card, we’d take a joker and write on it, Jack of Diamonds, and use it for a replacement

Adaptable, that’s the fool, like in Fool on the Hill, a song by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. The Fool tarot card means trust and let go. Johnny Mercer, my favorite lyricist, who I adore even more than Ira Gershwin and Lennon-McCartney, wrote the lyrics to Fools Rush In. The last line is…open up your heart and let this fool rush in.

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Live Your Best Life

My pal says “live your best life” whenever I teeter on the edge of two choices. With one choice, I’ll please myself and might disappoint friends. With the other choice, I’ll be in the midst of a personal sacrifice. This makes it hard to be intuitive. When I know other people are hurt, I hurt inside myself.

On Saturday, I went to a church yard sale to look at trucks for my grandson. The people with tables seemed sad when they didn’t make a sale. It hurt, but the old trees and bucolic scene made me happy to live in the boonies.

I understand sadness, but I don’t understand older people’s fearfulness. From a young age, I set out to banish my fears. I think the problem arises with my peers’ desire to be careful of their bodies and its limitations. It’s harder to let their brains fly and accept that change is the one thing to count on. Everything will change.

After three years of concern as I reshaped my business with a physical space, I’ve found success. That means opportunities to travel. What a wonderful feeling, to choose a spot, then let opportunities pull me in new directions. 

We don’t pick our age, but we can pick to live our best life. As time slips by, embrace and enjoy all of it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Regrets & Mistakes They're Memories Made

When my mother expressed her litany of regrets, she used to end with something good. One of my big regrets is not having a PhD, but I get more satisfaction and joy from my two kids and my book. I sometimes regret all the fooling around I did in my 20s, but I learned so much from my adventures and I rid myself of a lot of wanderlust, instead of carrying it with me to old age.

It’s best, when we ruminate and feel remorse, that we forgive our young selves. As my body turns into an old car with parts to repair, my brain turns too often to the past. I remind myself that the past is now larger than my future, but it really bugs me to have all these shoulda coulda wouldas.

Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made is from Adele’s song, Someone Like You. I use other songs to restore my faith in the future. Put on a Happy Face! I Feel Good! Girls Just Want to Have Fun! Summertime! (and the living is easy), and even my least liked song, (the sun’ll come out) Tomorrow!

One of my favorite old timey sayings is, If You Can’t Take a Joke. I used it for my week in the covid isolation hotel in Ireland in March. It helped. So get your mantras ready and use them. Party Like It’s 1999.